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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the comfort zone of your Daily, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and key events, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to find out that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget during his peak popularity playing for City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college to use the facilities during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled through the school like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager after a brief chat within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, both of them pleading for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's an extremely challenging position.” The English game has progressed significantly during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are long gone, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|